Reading a blogger I follow’s post today inspired me to do like her and just use bullet points. I feel like I have so much to say but I think less is more at this point! Yesterday I had my suppression check and learned early afternoon I was ok to start my 4th cycle, so I will start stims tomorrow.
- Start stims tomorrow
- 4th round = new protocol. The last 3 cycles I was on a microflare protocol, they’ve switched me to a GnRH-antagonist protocol. Only difference really will be no Lupron 2x/day and adding Ganirelex at some point next week, trigger shot is slightly different as well
- I’m switching back to endometrin if we make it to transfer. I HATED Crinone 8%
- After my BFN on 2/13 I’ve been really struggling with anxiety/depression
- I’ve joined an infertility support group
- I saw a psychiatrist for the first time today
- Start taking Zoloft this evening, my RE approved
- I started bleeding today (spotting yesterday), chalking it up to ending the BC pill on Monday but paranoid something isn’t right
- I REALLY, really want to be optimistic this round but I feel that optimistic side of me fading away
- I bought a wedding dress Wednesday!!!
- Our wedding is 5/5/18 and I’m terrified this round won’t work and I’ll either have to wait a few months and try again and then be pregnant at my wedding or wait until close to our wedding to try again risking losing my left ovary before then
- What a mind eff
I’m really hoping I can gain my positivity back and i think with the Zoloft and some extra praying I can find that peace again.
We had our Beta on Monday, 2/15 and got the call from my nurse around lunch, which was waaaaay earlier than the last time they called me. I just stared at my phone ringing for a few moments holding onto hope that they only call early with good news. Of course I was wrong, my HCG was a big fat zero. 2 more embabes gone! Happy Valentine’s day to us.
No matter how much you think you are mentally prepared to hear you are not pregnant, it never gets easier. I’m so glad I worked from home on Monday and subsequently on Tuesday. How awkward would it be for everyone else for me to be in the office, ugly crying all day.
I actually started testing on 5dp5dt because I started spotting (on my birthday may I add) and also because I obviously like to torture myself. The spotting became worse 6dp5dt last Friday with some fresh blood. By Saturday morning it was full flow. I refused to test Saturday and Sunday and just waited for beta. I still wanted to hold out hope that maybe, just maybe I could be pregnant.
Now I just want to hear what the doctor has to say. They want me to start IVF round 4 right away, starting birth control today or tomorrow. I’m considering waiting until next month as I’m not sure I’m all that ready to dive right back in.
Good luck to all of you ladies out there! I still smile when I read the BFP posts :).
We successfully made it through egg retrieval, the wait between retrieval and transfer and as of yesterday we made it through transfer! My last cycle was cancelled the day before retrieval so I was super relieved with every step we made it through from retrieval to transfer this round.
This cycle I had a dominant follicle through Stims which made it another nerve-wracking experience. Meds had to be adjusted and I had to be monitored closely, stim phase also flew by. I only did 6 days of Stims before my trigger day last Saturday. It looked like we would only have 3-4 follicles large enough to have mature eggs by retrieval, but hey all we needed was ONE. Retrieval day came and there were 6 eggs!
Then starts the 2WW. Waiting 24 hours to find out how many fertilize…3!…waiting 2 more days to find out how the embryos are progressing and if you need to come in THAT day for a 3 day transfer…we were good, no 3 day transfer. Then the hardest part for me, will any make it to 5-day blastocysts? That you don’t find out until the day of transfer. We made it to the clinic yesterday for transfer day at 7:15a (15 min early). Only to have another hour wait with no info. Finally we were called back and we had 2 grade 4AA blastocysts, both to be transferred, with one still developing. My mom and D were there. I know my mom really enjoyed the experience. And I’m so relieved that we had 2 beautiful embabes to make it back home to me!
The 5 of us (2 embabes included) went to breakfast after and then my mom and i headed to tour two wedding venues which I’ve had appointments for over 2 months with. The doctor gave us the green light and I rested in between. I think I found our venue too! My mom also spotted a red bird and owl while we were out which she swears are good signs. Not too bad of a day! Now I just need to stay sane for the next 8 days until beta.
Baby dust to all!
Finally I have an update with some sort of substance!
Jan 5th: Had my hysteroscopy and all looked well. The doctor even thinks he knows where my other embryo(s) escaped to and he will steer clear of that area if/when we get to the next transfer
Jan 19th: Suppression check – all is was good, nurse gave the green light to start Lupron 1/20 and stims 1/21
Jan 25th: 5 days into stems I had a US and blood work done. Apparently my body has bounced back and is responding too well to the stims. It’s actually not the best thing to happen. My lead follicle is already at 16mm with 5 or 6 more trailing behind at 12ish mm. Up to this point I’ve been on 20 iu of Lupron 2x/day, 225 gonal-F in the AM and 3 vials of menopur in the evening. The doctor knocked down my menopur to 2 vials starting this evening to hopefully slow my body down a bit. I go back in on Friday. Either way the doc thinks I will trigger Friday or Saturday, we’re all hoping for Saturday!
D is leaving for a ski trip tomorrow morning and wasn’t supposed to return until late Sunday. If we trigger Friday, he’ll have to come back early. But MOST importantly, if we have to trigger Friday there is more of a chance to retrieve eggs that are not mature enough. So the longer the better! Praying for a Saturday trigger for sure.
I can’t believe I’m already here. It’s crazy because I actually felt totally normal Sunday – Tuesday. The only thing I really noticed was that my estrogen had to be high, it kind of makes me feel like I’m on some sort of upper (increased heart rate, light headed and INSANE). Today I’m just miserable. I can feel my heartbeat in my ovary lol, i’m nauseous, light headed and I’m not hungry at all. I’ll be resting tonight for sure.
Prayers for a Monday retrieval! And never forget:
I hope everyone finished out 2016 with a bang! We had a nice 2 month break from IVF with a few things happening in between. #1) We got engaged on Thanksgiving in front of pretty much D’s entire family and my parents & #2) Went to Hawaii the beginning of December and we were able to completely unwind and get our minds clear for the new year. Here’s a picture at the top of Mt. Haleakala watching the sunrise (in Maui) and my engagement ring :).
Like clockwork, AF came on new years day so we counted yesterday as CD1. I have my hysteroscopy on Friday, January 6th to see if we can find any sort of holes or pinholes in my uterus (where my last embryos might have escaped to). Hopefully we see nothing and can continue on to round 3.
If there is one thing I’ve learned in the last 2 months is that ‘expectation is the root of all heartache’, a lovely Shakespeare quote. I’m going into cycle 3 with no expectations but I will try to remain cautiously optimistic!
I’ll try to be better blogging this round and hopefully it won’t be as traumatic as the last. Baby dust to all!
Howdy y’all! I haven’t posted in awhile so I thought I would give a quick update. The last month has been a bit traumatizing to say the least…
For my second cycle I stimmed for 10 days and was scheduled for my egg retrieval on Wednesday 10/12. We triggered Monday night (10/10) and I went in the next day for blood work. About 4p my doctor called and said they had to cancel my cycle as I was still pregnant from my first round. Don’t get too excited, this still was not a viable pregnancy as it would be ectopic. Most ectopics happen in your fallopian tubes but I don’t have my fallopian tubes any more so it was a mystery as to where the pregnancy was. I went in the following day for an extensive ultrasound to try and locate it but it was not found. Doc said I could have a pinhole in my uterus that they embryos escaped through into my pelvis or abdomen. Immediately following the ultrasound I went in for a D&C as a precautionary measure. Back in the next day (10/13) for more bloodwork and my HCG still had not dropped so I was given 2 injections of methotrexate. Methotrexate is a drug mostly used in chemotherapy but is also used for “medical abortions”.
Not only was I miserable from my ovary that was not relieved of all of that damn fluid with an egg retrieval, I was dealing with super ovulation, post surgery from the d&c, side effects from the methotrexate and THEN OHSS. I had to be admitted into the ER that Sunday for OHSS and then was put on bedrest for the next week due to being at high risk to lose my only ovary left. No thank you! I had to follow-up with blood tests every week to make sure my HCG was going down, which it has been. In fact, i’m pretty sure it is back to zero since I had to of had the actual miscarriage mon/tues…also traumatic. Supposed to have more blood work tomorrow to confirm.
Due to being given the methotrexate injections we cannot do another IVF cycle until end of January/February and I will need to do another hysteroscopy to check my uterus for even the tiniest of holes and of course for scar tissue after the D&C. Honestly, I’m glad for the break. I’m glad to get back to myself without all of these awful hormones and stress. I was happy to be able to actually party at our annual Halloween party last Saturday. I’m happy to get back to the gym, I’m happy to be able to drink during my vacation to Maui in December. Holding on to the little things here.
I hope everyone else is hanging in there!!!
XoXo – The Hamburglar & Zach Morris
I swear my nurse calls so late no matter the news! Like we already don’t feel crazy enough…sure just keep us on pins and needles all day…that’ll help ;). I know they’re busy so I’m not trying to complain, I just feel completely disheveled when I’m waiting for those phone calls.
Anyways, sorry for the rant. My nurse finally called me after 3pm today to tell me I was clear to start my 2nd round of stims tomorrow. Estrogen and progesterone were nice and low and I have 6 resting follicles on my lonely ovary. Although according to my doctor she (my ovary) looked “happy” which tickled me almost to death this morning. I told the doctor she better be “happy”, she’s run off all of her nice neighbors in there…aka my fallopian tubes and right ovary which have been removed.
The only thing we’re doing different this round is that I’m going to start the crinone 8% gel applicators after transfer instead of the Endometrin. All that we can do is hope I respond as well as last time and that we get more bryobabes than so we can possibly freeze 1 or more.
In other news, I sent off my sock buddies package today. I should’ve taken a picture, dang it! I, of course, bought her some amazingly soft and fuzzy socks, a bath bomb and a 6-week bible study book called “In the Wait” that I’ve been reading (it has really helped y’all). I wanted to do more but she is already half way through her 2WW after her first IUI so I needed to get something out. I also included a homemade card that I made in one of my crafting classes.
Happy Friday junior to you all!
Xoxo ~ elisabeth